I’m at the airport squeezing in one last blog post before my flight to Peru, and hopefully soon squeezing out a nice juicy log before boarding time. As I sit here in the lavish business center I think I just snuck into, I can’t help but think about that one time I actually took a crap on a plane. It was two years ago and I was being reacquainted with those miserable menstrual cramps I hadn’t experienced since high school. The link between menstruation and defecation is made in a recent blog post. This connection between bowel and uterus is ever so evident to me when I get these crushing menstrual pains. I instantly feel like I’m going to both vomit and crap myself, but it’s usually just the latter.

As soon as the plane began to ascend, I started getting the sweats and felt so light headed like the plane was lifting my body, but leaving my blood supply on the ground. My veins felt like they were being drained and I was losing all color in my face, taking me from the Sahara to the Antarctic in a matter of seconds. The stewardess asked me if I was going to throw up and I didn’t really know what to say. She was literally annoying the crap out of me. I ran to the bathroom, quickly made my toilet TP cover and took a fiery lava dump in an almost waterless toilet. And to paint an even more disgusting image for all you germ phobes, I rested my head on the sink! It’s funny how little these things (i.e. germs, people witnessing you spend 45 minutes on the toilet, etc) matter when you’re just not feeling well and maybe they shouldn’t matter at all because I left the gnarly airplane bathroom feeling brand new.