Doody Free Hands.

I’m not one to wash my hands every time I use the bathroom. Reason being that 1) I do not have a penis and 2) I generally don’t pee on my hands. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a dirtbag either. So I find it important to discuss why my hands are probably cleaner than all of the antibacterial obsessed clean freaks I encounter especially on airplanes. The 99.9% germ claim found on every antibacterial product on the market does not refer solely to harmful bacteria if at all.  In fact, according to an article posted  on About.com, these antibacterial products may actually be creating more bacteria on your hands. Superbugs, perhaps? Also, children’s immune system development are also being hampered because the exposure to the proper amount of germs conducive to proper growth is being compromised.

In conclusion, I recommend turning yourself on to products that use organic alcohol, ethanol and essential oils.

Categories: Bathroom Etiquette Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Hipster Jeans Giving You Gas?

 

According to the Wall Street Journal’s article about “Tight Pants Syndrome,” if you are experiencing unexplainable stomach pain, heartburn, belching, yeast infections and/or numbness in your legs, you may want to consider retiring those way-too-tight jeans that are probably giving you a muffin top anyway. Ladies, you may also be paying the price for false advertising. Spanx and Yummy Tummy are just miserable, squeezing the crap out of your innards. Even pantyhose and tights give me gas. I find leggings to be less severe, giving me no problems. I’m loving the article in last month’s Elle magazine entitled “Hot Pants,” which tries to sell the wide-leg look that only this chick can pull off:

Proenza Schouler
Categories: Bloat-Friendly Fashion Tags: , , , , , , , ,

NYC Public Bathroom Guide

After a near-diarrhea experience on the subway today, I realized the importance of having your public bathrooms mapped out in your head. Here’s a list of my trusted, easily-accessible bathrooms in Manhattan.

 

Midtown: Uniqlo

Midtown /Upper West: Whole Foods at Columbus circle (bottom floor of mall in the eating area)

Midtown /Upper East: Whole Foods(57th between 2nd and 3rd Ave.), Saks Fifth Avenue, Bergdorf Goodman, Bloomingdales

Time Square: Marriott Marquis (I believe you have to take the elevator up. I’ve used it once or twice when I was in a bind. Very clean.)

Bryant Park: Le Pain Quotidien (walk right in like you’re meeting someone – it’s on the right), Bryant Park public bathroom (very nice! on 42nd Street), Whole Foods

Madison Square Park: Self-cleaning public restroom at the park (50 cents per use)

Herald Square: Uniqlo, Macy’s

Chelsea: Bed Bath & Beyond (to the left once you walk in)

Union Square: Whole Foods (2nd floor), Max Brenner (walk straight to the back), Babys R Us (2nd floor), Barnes & Noble

West Village: Lifethyme market (walk up to second floor)

Lower East Side: Whole Foods market on Houston (walk up to second floor, all the way to the left)

Soho: Nespresso (walk inside and to the right, take elevator down)

Tribecca: Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble

Financial District: The Oculus at World Trade (you will find a few bathrooms at this mall – I like the bathroom by Eataly upstairs), Century 21, Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble

 

Categories: NYC Public Bathroom Guide Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Why Am I So Obsessed With Poop?

Probably because it feels fantastic! My goal is to get my clients to take a substantial dump daily. It’s shocking how many women think it’s normal to only poop 2-3 times a week. If that were me, I’d be a raging biatch. I credit my upbringing for my fascination with poop. My father has always thought it acceptable and funny to set off fart bombs at home. His farts are so loud, I really don’t understand how he avoids crapping his pants with each explosion. My brother actually does have some pretty insanely hysterical stories of legitimately crapping his pants (he’d never read this, so it’s okay).  My brother brags every time he takes a huge dump like he expects some sort of gold medal. Although, I think we all secretly wish we could take a picture of some of our monstrous logs and send it off for some Hall of Fame acknowledgement.

So I guess this all explains why I laugh uncontrollably when the subject of  fecal matter is introduced into any conversation. I wish all girls would regard this subject matter as light & fun and feel comfortable enough to speak freely about their issues and ultimately, poop with pride.

Hope you’re proud, Pop!

Categories: Bathroom Etiquette, Digestive Issues Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Let’s Talk About Poop!

Why has bowel failure struck mostly women today? It’s quite evident that females have unjustly suffered from a double poop standard. I personally remember being terrified to poop anywhere but home and my girlfriends would concur. Many of my female clients come in routinely for colonics because their bowels have completely shut down from years of mental training and/or laxative abuse. The gravity method colonics I employ assists in slowly strengthening the bowels back to life.

Chronic constipation has been held responsible for many skin disorders and other debilitating conditions such as chronic migraines and even certain cancers. This blog was created to start a healthy conversation about the importance of regularity.

Cheers!

Categories: Digestive Issues, Girl Code Tags: , , , , , , , ,