What better place to poop in opulence than at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina???!! Bonus (a somewhat-accurate history lesson): the Biltmore Estate is the largest privately-owned home in the United States owned by the Vanderbilts, who made their gazillions via railroad and steamboat pioneering.

Out of the 43 bathrooms in the Biltmore McMansion, tourists are only allowed to utilize the bathroom stalls in the horse stable, which has been turned into a beautiful restaurant, cafe and souvenir shops. So you can imagine the wait.

But a real lady takes her time in these situations, acknowledging that suffering from the urge to take a dump for the rest of the day will not only ruin the experience for herself, but for everyone in her path. So as I sat on the bowl taking care of business and a few selfies to pass the time, I thought about the other girls impatiently waiting for me to finish up. I reached an epiphany as I took my sweet time, which further proves my hypothesis that taking your time on the toilet pays off in more than one way. The truth is that those waiting need to relieve themselves as quickly as possible to get back to the house tour or shopping or whatever and then they’ll hardly care about who’s still suffering in Stall #3 . Once they finish relieving themselves, they are history! So even if I needed a half hour on the toilet, I will probably never ever see these gals again, not even for those three seconds I’m pretending to wash my hands. The girls I actually will encounter have probably only been waiting a few minutes.

So chew on this the next time you’re sweating in the stall listening to those complaining in line. Sit back and relax. You’re probably the only one taking a dump, which means they will get in a stall sooner than later. Consider this an excellent time to catch up on your Instagram.