I had the honor of talking shit with one of my health and colonic mentors, Mike Perrine, on his EveryDayDetox podcast. Mike is the owner of Vitality NYC, where I work on the first Tuesday of every month. You can book me for a colonic in NYC on the Vitality NYC website. Hope you enjoy listening to our chat!
For such an appropriately beautiful word, “vanity” has a bad rep. If you know me personally or have read or listened to any of my interviews, you know I unapologetically got into my line of work ten years ago for vanity and vanity alone. I had no digestive issues, no major recovery, no comeback story. I just wanted to look my best and I learned that detoxing is the most natural and sustainable means to achieving optimal outer beauty.
It’s healthy to care about your appearance. Vanity can actually play a role in disease and humiliation prevention. Had we never looked in the mirror, certain cancers and liver disease would go undiagnosed, weight would creep on faster, repulsive whiteheads (and greenheads) would remain undisturbed and coagulated mucus would have time to harden and stick to the walls of our noses. Needful to say, vanity is a fragile tight rope resting between healthy and unhealthy obsession.
Growing up, my brother and I shared a bathroom. To his dismay, I would annoyingly spend an hour before bed each night indulging in my facial routine followed by a close up analysis of every pore and hair on my face, tweezer in hand. Thank God I never had one of those magnifying mirrors. I would have spent half of the evening mutilating my face!
Upon reflection, my vanity seemed to mark the beginning of my obsession with all things bathroom-related. I remember when my mother redecorated the bathroom and threw up a flattering mauve wallpaper because only then did I realize the significance of a room’s lighting. You’d think this made me feel good about myself (or at least pursue photography), but it only made me question whether the flattering reflection was an accurate depiction of my true appearance as I migrated to a different mirror for comparison. Needless to say, I was a textbook case of someone suffering from dysfunctional vanity that perhaps led to a mild case of body dysmorphia.
A quick google search reveals that we spend about 1.5 years in the bathroom in a lifetime. I’ve experienced an inverse relationship between the amount of time spent in the bathroom and clear skin. A healthy diet is the ultimate skin routine promoting healthy bowel movements (ie detoxification), which requires little time on the bowl. Additionally, less time staring in the mirror, washing/stripping your skin, slathering on toxic products and picking/squeezing encourages skin regeneration and repair. Ironically, a low maintenance daily routine is the key to clear skin. Less is fucking more.
Often I am asked what I use on my skin, which is why I developed the Skin Cleanse on my services menu. You can subscribe to the Skin Cleanse newsletter on the Gravity Colonic Prices page for my full skin regime and recommendations. Spoiler alert: it involves a plant-based, dirtbag lifestyle. Products last forever in my medicine cabinet because I only oil cleanse my face 1-2 times per week. While I don’t believe in the consumerism surrounding commercial skin products, I am a fucking sucker for all things natural. Currently, my fave skincare is Marie Veronique’s line because she incorporates both probiotics and essential oils that smell divine in each product. Probiotics are naturally found on our skin and serve as a protectant. This is why washing your face 1-2 times EVERY FUCKING DAY is no bueno.
In summation, I encourage you to look in the mirror only to embrace your beauty. If you’re hating what you see, I dare you to embark on a mirror fast while adopting the healthy habits I share in my Skin Cleanse newsletter. True beauty is truly skin deep…like 25 intestinal feet deep. Watch your skin clear up and your innards beauty shine through your pores. Namaste.
xoxo jen
I have a confession: I’m a hypocrite. One of my pet peeves is everyone’s portrayal of perfection on social media, yet I only put my best shit forward as well. You’ve seen my cat, Micro, peeing and pooping like a champ day in and day out on my Instagram Story. She effortlessly hops up on my squatty potty and circles the rim of the toilet seat until she finds a comfortable seat on the edge to squat down and handle her business.
Here’s the shit you don’t see…
Micro was actually consistently going to the toilet until she was spayed just a few weeks ago. Forced to wear the “Cone of Shame,” she had no peripheral vision, so the toilet was out of the question. For the week, I returned the litter box, which confused her a bit. She would pee and poo in it most of the time. That week was actually the first time I ever worried about her peeing everywhere: she tagged her scratchpads, bed, toy and the floor. Now I can recognize the smell of cat pee – it’s fucking disgusting. But guess what gets rid of it? You guessed it…distilled white vinegar.
So we’re back to square one. I opened up a brand new CitiKitty and filled it up with litter for Potty Training 101. Micro is back to peeing and pooping on the toilet, with just a few shit streaks here and there. I’m cool with that…cat pee not so much.
I felt obligated to write this post for obvious reasons and because I don’t want anyone trying to train their kitty to use the toilet to get discouraged. Think about all the resources (money, GMO corn, bentonite clay, trees) you’ll be saving and above all, litter contains known carcinogens and for the most part is non-biodegradable! Micro didn’t learn to mostly pee and poo in the toilet overnight. It takes a lot of patience, encouragement, and reinforcement with treats, but no more time than it would take to scoop shit out of the litter everyday and then sweep up litter dust from your floors everyday (fuck that).
On a more serious note, I recently listened to Simon Sinek’s enlightening talk about Millennials in the Workplace and how they are a remarkably depressed and insecure generation, which can be directly blamed on social media. I’m forever thankful to only have been exposed to AIM (AOL instant messenger) in college for which to stalk crushes and girls who were cramping my style. I remember only having a literal Facebook and an Internet search engine (googling wasn’t a verb then) to investigate strangers. There were hardly any visuals, but thanks be to Peoplefinder.com, I was able to figure out astrological compatibility!! I resisted Friendster, which was only to be replaced by Facebook towards the end of my senior year of college in 2004. I didn’t quite grasp its relevance nor would I have never predicted the scope in which its broadened communication, encouraged new social networks like Instagram, or revolutionized targeted marketing. Not only are Millennials subject to the perfection pressure from peers, but they are subject to false advertising by asshole corporations.
So what I’m trying to say is, I apologize if my social media makes my bathroom life look perfect. It is anything butt…
I now consider my new little kitten a part of the family. I wouldn’t make my family shit in a box, so I don’t expect Micro to live like an animal anymore. She will shit in the toilet like every other civilized family member.
Yesterday was Day 1 of Micro’s CitiKitty training. When I first purchased these toilet training kits for the Doody Free shop, I had no intention of ever actually ever testing them because I never wanted a cat. So I never knew if this shit actually worked, I just thought it was fucking hilarious. I mean look at the picture on the box!
I’m excited to report that after an entire day of avoiding the CitiKitty and pooping/peeing all together until I put it on the ground, Micro finally climbed up on the toilet today to pee in the CitiKitty litter! So things are looking up and I’m a very proud mama 🙂
Stay tuned…
The other day, I had to take a major shit after lunch. I knew it was going to epic judging by my protruding belly and the fact that I hadn’t had a good one in a few days since I started taking a new iron supplement. I had a nice break before my evening clients, so I was really looking forward to spending some quality time blowing up my bathroom.
When I arrived home, some dude was on a ladder right in front of my apartment digging his hands through the ceiling. I have no idea what he was fixing, but in order to not scare the shit out of him, I politely whispered that I was going to sneak past him into my apartment. Once inside, I dropped my bags, ran to the bathroom and birthed a pile of poo. It was very satisfying, but not a clean sweep if you know what I mean. Mid-wipe there was a knock on the door. Fucking shit! It’s probably the ladder dude, who is now going to think I’m avoiding him or just plain rude. I tried wiping the residual mud from my asshole, but it ends up spreading like butter instead. A second, more aggressive knock on the door follows, so I throw some toilet paper in my underwear and answer the door. It turned out to be my landlord asking me if my water was running, which I knew it wasn’t since the second flush after my courtesy flush (I have a foster kitten in my bathroom) did not go down. They quickly resolved the issue, but I think the more pressing issue is giving people enough time to drop their bags and a healthy deuce upon arriving home. What happened to chivalry?
Please stop by my favorite cat-man’s photography exhibit, The Thousands, tonight at my favorite tea shop, Tea NJ, on Newark Avenue in downtown Jersey City. The first 60 guests will receive my limited edition cat odor-eliminating candles.
And speaking of favorites, my favorite new shop in town, Love Liesel, will be having their ribbon cutting with our fabulous mayor at 4pm. Love Liesel will be fully stocked with alcohol and my odor-eliminating soy bathroom candles. Cheers!
I’ve already established that I love all things that smell good and a good-smelling candle is no exception. There’s something sweet and welcoming about a lit candle, especially in unexpected corners of a home such as the bathroom. So my new addition to the Doody Free Girl space are my handmade Bathroom Soy Travel Candles scented with lemongrass essential oil and complete with Doody Free Girl Shit-Anywhere matches. Take these on your next trip to ensure a romantic bathroom experience anywhere. Stop by the shop!
My eyesight and my hearing may be shit, but my heightened sense of smell is that of a weed-sniffing canine. Things can get a little stinky in my line of work, so you can bet your ass the Doody Free Girl shop is equipped with top-of-the-line therapeutic essential oil diffusers that actually sanitize and humidify the air while emitting a pleasant lemongrass aroma.
Clients are always asking me what smells so good in the Doody Free shop. A few of my favorite oils for diffusing are White Fir and Lavender, but my absolute go-to for a sweet, crisp smell is lemongrass. I cannot get enough of this clean scent, so it is always being diffused in the shop! I actually ordered it just out of curiosity because I’d been testing all of the available scents to see which one I really took to. Honestly, I don’t care which oil is going to bring me peace and harmony if it smells like shit (you’ll find all kinds of New Age-y promises in essential oil land). I will only diffuse smells that make me want to take my clothes off. I don’t even know what that means, but it’s a good thing! Anyhow, lemongrass has that effect on me. So I did a little research on the benefits of lemongrass and I was pleasantly surprised to find out how appropriately compatible lemongrass and colonics are!
Lemongrass is widely used for its anti-fungal, anti-microbial, and anti-bacterial properties. Apparently, it’s good for hoarders too. I guess it helps you let go, which is important during a colonic! It is also a good sedative (also important for a colonic). Lemongrass can also be diffused to kill airborne bacteria and air pollution. A client even told me it’s good for nausea, which some people do experience during a treatment.
Aside from all of the health benefits, I think everyone can agree that a good smell will just put you in a good mood. Don’t worry about spending too much on essential oils. Bulk Apothecary offers great deals on therapeutic essential oils, including lemongrass. I prefer the organic variety, although they also sell conventional lemongrass for a bit cheaper.
Resources: Sustainable Baby Steps
I am on the airplane right now heading from Tokyo to Hong Kong. I am a new fan of Cathay Pacific Airways. I hate to admit it, but I wasn’t looking all forward to this trip solely based on the 24 hours of travel time from NYC to Japan via Hong Kong. I thought that this would be the longest I’d ever traveled in one shot, but I conveniently forgot about the 17 hour bus ride to Lobitos, Peru preceded by the 7 hour flight to Lima last year, which I’ve actually taken numerous times already. In comparison, the flight to Hong Kong is a breeze with its selection of music and movies, clean bathrooms and free wine.
I’ve even discovered a few new genres of music I enjoy! I can’t tell you what they are, but there’s a group called Caribou, a girl named Taylor Swift and something called Hed Kandi (a mix of various artists). I’ve been listening to all of the above ad nauseam.
I’ve also had time to catch up on some Oscar noms and other movies. I just finished watching This is Where I Leave You, featuring Jason Bateman, Jane Fonda, and Tina Fey. A client of mine had told me about this movie a while ago, but I completely forgot about it and just finally got a chance to see it. I must say I absolutely adored this movie and did not want it to end! I love a movie that will make me laugh like an idiot on an airplane. There’s even an entire potty training element to the movie with a little boy fully committed to potty training, dragging his potty everywhere he goes. After tossing his T-shaped poops at his dad doesn’t go over so well, the little boy learns to drag his ass and his potty outside whenever he needs to take a dump. You’ll catch him pooping in his potty on the front step, the back porch and even in the basement while his mom is trying to screw her brother-in-law. I’m telling you, this movie has it all!
In any case, just thought you’d appreciate an update. I’ve been getting emails from you all asking if I’m coming home. Trust me, I am SO looking forward to opening Doody Free Girl in Jersey City next week and seeing you all! I’m back late tomorrow night, but dead to the world until Thursday.
xoxo
j
I’m at the Tokyo airport right now waiting to board my flight to Hong Kong. This trip has revealed how grossly inferior the American race is to the Japanese with regards to anal hygiene. They even sell toilet attachments in Duty Free for goodness sake! I already ordered a Toto Washlet for the office, but what I really NEED is this automatic cleaning toilet with UV light…