I have a confession: I’m a hypocrite. One of my pet peeves is everyone’s portrayal of perfection on social media, yet I only put my best shit forward as well. You’ve seen my cat, Micro, peeing and pooping like a champ day in and day out on my Instagram Story. She effortlessly hops up on my squatty potty and circles the rim of the toilet seat until she finds a comfortable seat on the edge to squat down and handle her business.

Here’s the shit you don’t see…

Micro was actually consistently going to the toilet until she was spayed just a few weeks ago. Forced to wear the “Cone of Shame,” she had no peripheral vision, so the toilet was out of the question. For the week, I returned the litter box, which confused her a bit. She would pee and poo in it most of the time. That week was actually the first time I ever worried about her peeing everywhere: she tagged her scratchpads, bed, toy and the floor. Now I can recognize the smell of cat pee – it’s fucking disgusting. But guess what gets rid of it? You guessed it…distilled white vinegar.

So we’re back to square one. I opened up a brand new CitiKitty and filled it up with litter for Potty Training 101. Micro is back to peeing and pooping on the toilet, with just a few shit streaks here and there. I’m cool with that…cat pee not so much.

I felt obligated to write this post for obvious reasons and because I don’t want anyone trying to train their kitty to use the toilet to get discouraged. Think about all the resources (money, GMO corn, bentonite clay, trees) you’ll be saving and above all, litter contains known carcinogens and for the most part is non-biodegradable! Micro didn’t learn to mostly pee and poo in the toilet overnight. It takes a lot of patience, encouragement, and reinforcement with treats, but no more time than it would take to scoop shit out of the litter everyday and then sweep up litter dust from your floors everyday (fuck that).

On a more serious note, I recently listened to Simon Sinek’s enlightening talk about Millennials in the Workplace and how they are a remarkably depressed and insecure generation, which can be directly blamed on social media. I’m forever thankful to only have been exposed to AIM (AOL instant messenger) in college for which to stalk crushes and girls who were cramping my style. I remember only having a literal Facebook and an Internet search engine (googling wasn’t a verb then) to investigate strangers. There were hardly any visuals, but thanks be to Peoplefinder.com, I was able to figure out astrological compatibility!! I resisted Friendster, which was only to be replaced by Facebook towards the end of my senior year of college in 2004. I didn’t quite grasp its relevance nor would I have never predicted the scope in which its broadened communication, encouraged new social networks like Instagram, or revolutionized targeted marketing. Not only are Millennials subject to the perfection pressure from peers, but they are subject to false advertising by asshole corporations.

So what I’m trying to say is, I apologize if my social media makes my bathroom life look perfect. It is anything butt…