About two years ago, I got a bad case of ringworm on my left forearm. Ringworm really isn’t as gross as it sounds. It’s basically the same fungus as groin itch and athlete’s foot. Okay, maybe that is pretty disgusting. But it’s not like a creepy crawly worm was wiggling in my skin.

Ringworm forms as a ring of raised scaly skin and is easily recognizable. Just google it and you’ll see what was on my arm. I tried all the natural remedies recommended online including apple cider vinegar and essential oils. Trust me, I am all about natural remedies, but I believe I gave myself a second degree burn from applying the apple cider vinegar and I think the essential oils were only irritating it further. I ignorantly kept telling myself that it was working! I even convinced myself colonics would help flush out the fungus!

It wasn’t until my forearm got so inflamed from all of the itching and scratching (ringworm is itchy as all hell) that I seriously thought I might need to have it amputated, that I decided to go to Urgent Care. That and my mother lecturing me on how it took months to cure her dog, Freddy, of ringworm. The doctor at the Urgent Care prescribed antibiotics because he informed me that since there was puss excreting from the infection, it meant that the fungus was traveling through my system and only antibiotics could kill it at that point. He gave me some antibiotics and a vaseline like ointment to heal the skin. The ringworm cleared within days!

Two days ago, I started experiencing some eczema in the exact area of the ringworm. (I have a scar there to remind me that sometimes you just need meds). So I can’t help but wonder if this is the ringworm coming back to haunt me. It’s not in the shape of a ring, but I’m experiencing that same heated itchiness that I will never forget. Is this one of the side effects from the Liver Cleanse?? Or perhaps the Kidney Cleanse that I’m still in the middle of? The second it starts looking like a ring, I’m running to Urgent Care! Until then, I’ll be applying home remedies of oregano oil mixed with coconut oil even though it smells like B.O. because I’ll never forget how constipating the antibiotics were.

I initially started writing this post because I thought I found a secret remedy called Tropical Tamanu oil, which has been collecting dust in my medicine cabinet for years. I bought this a million years ago because some idiot at Whole Foods told me it would get rid of some scars I have on my legs. It didn’t. And it was expensive. And just like apple cider vinegar, it doesn’t get rid of ringworm either.

So everyone wants to know how I got this fungus on my arm when it normally manifests in moist areas that aren’t exposed to much sunlight. And the answer is: I don’t want to know.

I woke up feeling like crap this morning. I’m not sure if this is related to the liver cleanse, or if I just finally caught the cold that everyone around me seems to have or if my body is just worn out from a long week of clients and shopping at Ikea. I’m hoping for the latter seeing as the author, Andreas Moritz, of the Miracle Liver and Gallbladder Cleanse is dead as a doorknob. Did I forget to mention that he died at the ripe age of 58 from mysterious causes? Well, there are apparently a host of conspiracy theories available about it out there. I heard through the grapevine that the real cause was toxic mold poisoning. His website states that the cause is related to his chronic illness as a child and that his doctors had predicted he would not live past his teenage years.

A part of me is paranoid that perhaps I did not get all of the stones out even after that last colonic. I had gas pains in the middle of the night last night and could not pass any air. I finally had a hot, lava-ish bowel movement in a filthy Bed, Bath & Beyond restroom around 12:30pm. I felt relieved for a few hours, but now I’m feeling some pressure downstairs. I made myself a carrot and spinach juice and microwaved my herb pack to apply to my stomach. Andreas Moritz touts the benefits of drinking carrot juice especially before a meal to help sweep the colon. I find that applying a heat pack on your stomach aids in moving gas out, so I’m feeling better, but may give myself another colonic on Monday for extra measure.

Another possibility for all of this mild discomfort could be from the kidney cleanse. Moritz warns of potential back pain as a result of your kidneys releasing mineral crystals from kidney stones passing through the ureter ducts of the urinary system. He also suggests that during the 20 day kidney cleanse, you try to not consume meat, dairy (except butter), fish, eggs, tea, coffee, alcohol, carbonated beverages, chocolate, or any other foods that contain preservatives, artificial sweeteners, coloring agents, etc. Oops!

Why am I doing this again?? Oh yeah, my 42 year old client who has absolutely no wrinkles or filler. She says a vertical wrinkle between her eyebrows completely relaxed and disappeared after a series of liver cleanses. Mortiz does touch on different facial signals that indicate a congested liver, including dark under eye circles, bags under the eyes, wrinkles, nose tilting to the left, etc. So far, my dark under eye circles have not improved, but stay tuned! I’m gonna be pissed if there are no visible results 😉

Hope you’re having a great weekend!

Resources: The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse by the late Andreas Moritz

Ugh, the thought of apple cider is utterly nauseating at this point. My tongue has turned white and I had so much putrid gas last night (thank God I didn’t have a date!) that I had to give myself a colonic this morning after my first client. Next cleanse, I am going to opt for the alternatives to drinking so much apple cider. The amount of sugar has been giving me cold-like symptoms (headaches, sore throat), not to mention gas and bloat! Andreas Moritz does warn of this in the book and offers up some alternatives to apple juice such as food grade malic acid mixed with water, apple cider vinegar mixed with water or some other weird herb you can take mixed with water. These alternatives are more suitable for those with blood sugar issues and candida/yeast issues. I think this cleanse is giving me a yeast issue.

At least I’m halfway through my apple cider for the day! Hooray!

Man, it is proving difficult to ingest all of this fluid with all of these rules!! Yesterday, I ended up just eating one hearty meal around 4pm because I was too busy drinking apple cider, tea and water all day! I hadn’t even finished drinking everything by the time I ate, so I had to wait two hours after dinner to continue drinking all three beverages. I broke the rule of not drinking in the evening, but I figured it’s more important to get it all in than abide by that stupid rule.

My work involves squeezing tubes with my right hand and abdomens with my left hand for a solid hour, so it’s hard for me to sip on anything while I’m working. I managed to sip on my tea because I keep it in a thermos with a very convenient squeeze button that opens the mouth hole. My mother gave me this brilliant Contigo thermos and I seriously think it is one of the greatest things she’s ever given me. I guarantee she bought it at Costco in case you were wondering where you could pick one up. I’ll probably use it to drink plain water once I’m done with this cleanse. It’s become evident to me that I’m not drinking enough fluid in general due to the nature of my business, which is ironic considering how much water I use to flush my clients out!

I’m enjoying my clear pee. That is all.

Happy Friday!

I forgot to mention the anal-ness of when and how you’re supposed to drink the aforementioned fluids. Both kidney cleanse tea and apple juice or cider are to be sipped (not drunk like a glass of water) throughout the day before evening. You should not drink the apple beverage an hour before eating nor two hours after eating. And you should not drink the kidney cleanse tea for an hour after eating. Also, these particular beverages along with all beverages ingested should be warm or room temperature, never cold because cold fluids freeze the liver and can hamper cleansing mode.

Since I’ve been drinking pasteurized apple cider (not fresh pressed), I figured leaving it out on the counter for 48 hours wasn’t a big deal, but I was wrong. This morning, the 59 ounce bottle of juice I started on yesterday had mold in it, so i chucked it and got a new bottle out of the refrigerator. Seeing as the cider was cold, I quickly thought back to a recent ski house weekend complete with warm apple cider, and decided to heat it up. I mean, who doesn’t like warm apple cider in the morning??

Til tomorrow!