I realize I have taken a serious break from writing, but I literally don’t have time to wipe my own ass these days (thank God for my ass-blasting handheld bidet) with a 15 month old attached to my tits. Butt…I took the day off from motherhood today for this shit, so read up!

I’ve expressed my doubts on the benefits of coffee enemas in the past, but hey…I’ve also expressed my doubts on having children and now I think it’s the most incredible gift I have ever received. So I’m not afraid to change my mind and I am now acknowledging the merits of coffee enemas by recently adding coffee implants (ie Liver Detox) to the menu here at Doody Free Girl. Clients have been asking for coffee up their asses for years, but it was always a little too reminiscent of “My Strange Addiction” for me. (I’ve surprisingly never seen the show, but have heard enough to turn me off to coffee enemas.)

The more I started hearing about coffee enemas in a transformative light, the more curious and the more enthused I became about this potentially life-saving tool. While some people may not be deemed suitable for the treatment (those with high blood pressure, pregnant, have ulcerative colitis, etc), it is widely used in Gerson Therapy (a holistic cancer and chronic disease treatment) and in holistic rehab centers. In fact, one of my clients who is partnered in a holistic rehab center in Tijuana explained that daily coffee enemas are a requirement at the center in order to effectively detox the liver.

According to the Gerson Therapy, the caffeine in the coffee is delivered immediately to the liver via the hemorrhoidal and mesenteric veins in the lower descending colon and rectum. The caffeine and other compounds in the coffee dilate the blood vessels, relaxing the bile ducts and smooth muscle, increasing the flow of bile and the toxins it carries.

During the coffee implant, I also add Quinton (bioavailable seawater electrolytes) in order to maintain electrolyte balance. Additionally, I add a few drops of tangerine essential oil to promote both lymphatic drainage and glutathione production. Glutathione is our most powerful antioxidant (think anti-aging, anti-cancer, etc). Clients have not only felt super energized after the coffee implant, but boast glowing skin!

Please always keep in mind I am no doctor, so don’t try this shit at home or at Doody Free Girl until you’ve extensively researched this on your own and come to your own conclusion/decision that this is right for your body. And always always always trust your gut!