Girls can be brutal. The other week on my way back from a very heavy meat-eating ski weekend, I had to drop an overdue stank load at a Whole Foods bathroom on my way home. I had way too much winter clothes on to fuss through my bag for my Poopourri to mask the gnarly stench I was imposing on the helpless victims neighboring my stall. Some girl entered the stall next to me and passive aggressively addresses me out loud, “Smells like shit in here!” I wanted to retaliate so bad with “Yes, because people really do come in here to pee and poop.”

Then today, I was in frigging church and a girl entering the bathroom on my way out says to me “smells like shit in here!” That’s just breaking all sorts of Sunday Cardinal Rules in my book. Even though it wasn’t me in this case, I didn’t feel the need to defend myself, nor should anyone ever have to explain themselves for dropping a deuce in a toilet as long as they flush and don’t leave a mess. What ever happened to Girl Code???

But I digress. Today is Day Five of my Liver Cleanse and I am so excited that I start the fun part tomorrow, that the apple cider did not phase me one bit today! I went to the market today to prepare for the big day tomorrow. I need to drink 32 ounces of apple cider in the morning tomorrow and then have a very plain lunch (Mortiz recommends white rice with cooked vegetables seasoned with only sea or rock salt) by 1:30pm. Then I’ll be fasting for about 20 hours while I drink Epsom salt water in intervals beginning at 6pm.