Girls and boys, a proper bathroom should be outfitted with common emergency materials. The following advice is derived from actual events.

1. Keep a plunger directly next to your toilet, not in your laundry room, janitor’s closet etc. Why? Because your girlfriend just may take a massive dump and clog your toilet. Trust me, she will never admit to taking a McDump in your toilet nor will she ask you for a plunger.

2. Always have paper towels or fancy hand napkins available in addition to hand towels. Why? Because when your girlfriend decides to attempt plunging her first toilet at your place, you better believe muddy water is going to splash all over the floor. I’m pretty sure you don’t appreciate soiled bathroom towels discreetly placed back on the towel rack.

3. Always keep multi-purpose cleaning spray under the bathroom sink. Why? Because any lady or gentleman, when provided paper towels and cleaning product, will clean up after themselves. This is not limited to #2 emergencies, but also includes manly pee stream splits where only one stream actually lands in the toilet.