Doody Free Girl is closed on Tuesdays because I work in Manhattan every Tuesday at Release NYC, where I was trained back in 2009 by the owner and my mentor, Tom DeVito. For those following my blog, you know Tom DeVito is a fucking anomaly. Last night, we had a belated 53rd birthday celebration for the guinea at the Flatiron Room, a scotch whiskey lounge complete with live music, where we discovered the joys of LaGavulin Double Matured Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

But before heading to the lounge, Tom and I completed a day full of intestinal cleanings followed by a dinner composed of Tom’s Famous Salad. I felt impelled to share this recipe with you because I’ve already taken two glorious dumps this morning even though I’m normally a once-a-dayer. Whether credit is due to the whiskey or the salad is unimportant because both are delicious! Cheers!

Tom’s Famous Salad (feeds a village, but only one Tom DeVito)

1 head romaine
1 bunch curly kale
1 box heirloom cherry tomatoes
2 avocados
herbamare
garlic powder
onion powder
cayenne pepper
oregano
fresh lime juice of 1 lime

First ya gotta clean yuh kale and yuh ledduce. Then yuh gotta spin dat shit til it’s dry. I friggin hate soggy greens…

Translation: Clean the greens and spin dry using a salad spinner. Mix with the chopped tomatoes, avocado & lime juice and smother with as much seasoning as you fancy. Enjoy your epic bowel movement tomorrow!