A client last week told me that a fart woke her up that morning. Better her than her boyfriend. Mastering the silent rip is an art.

Ladies, we all fart in our sleep. Sleep farts are a necessary evil that keep us from feeling like a bloated whale all day. While your midnight farts sound off, rest assured that they probably do not smell. So if you have a new sleep buddy, just make sure you don’t go commando after that kiss goodnight. A snug thong and pajama pants should mask the sound or a pillow between the legs if you find that comfortable. Sleep on your side or your back. Pop some chlorophyll pills before dinner if you’re paranoid of any putrid odor expulsion. 

Conclusion: never ever hold in your farts unless you’re entering an elevator.