Day 1: Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse

I had another suicidal menstrual cramping episode this weekend, which scared me because it was by far the worst one yet. In high school, I would literally pass out all the time when I had my period because the pain was unbearable. I remember being sprawled out across two small wooden chairs in my art class while a tour was being held for middle schoolers to see the high school. I had those “I don’t give a shit cramps.” I would usually pass out after an hour or two of those and instantly feel better. I welcomed a good faint.

But now that I’m older and wiser, I realize this is not normal. It’s been a while since I’ve experienced that sort of pain, so it’s been off my radar, but I’m seeing this episode as a sign that I seriously need to address my blood circulation. It’s not a mere matter of hormone production. I spent all of Friday night in labor. I seriously felt like I was having a baby and just wanted to faint and wake up in the morning feeling better, but that never happened. The night was a mixed bag of chills and legs filled with pins & needles alternating with hot flashes, diarrhea, dry heaving, light headedness and praying until the sun came up. None of this is unusual for these episodes, however, I do usually pass out at some point. My old college roommate happen to be sleeping over, so she heat up my herb pack once she woke up and took care of me just like the good old days. Friends rule.

So this brings me to the liver flush. Andreas Moritz, author of The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse, believes that most issues in the body stem from a congested liver and gallbladder, including circulation. The liver is the largest gland in the body and responsible for filtering three pints of blood per minute amongst hundreds of other tasks. A client of mine who just graduated from a Physical Therapy program told me that the one thing she was most impressed by after countless dissections was how HUGE our liver is! It weighs up to three pounds and spans almost the entire width of the body. So it begs to take care of your liver!

Today marks Day 1 of my liver/gallbladder cleanse. When cleansing the liver and gallbladder, it’s important to also cleanse the kidneys to avoid any kidney stones. This can easily be done by drinking Andreas Moritz herbal concoction of kidney cleansing herbs for 20 days. I followed the instructions by soaking the tea overnight and then boiling and straining it this morning into a thermos, ready to be sipped throughout the day. I started my day by slowly drinking two glasses of organic apple cider. I’m already halfway done with my apple cider requirements for the day! Judging by the amount of apple cider in my fridge, I thought drinking 32 ounces of apple cider a day for six days would be nauseating, but so far, it’s delicious! The purpose for drinking apple juice is to ingest the malic acid contained in apples, which help soften the stones I will be passing on Day 6 of the cleanse.

Moritz warns that you may experience bloating or diarrhea from the apple juice at first. I did already have two bowel movements, the second one being a little diarrhea-ish. I’m not mad about that.

Until tomorrow! Have a blessed day 🙂

Liver cleanse apple cider

 

Resources: The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse by Andreas Moritz

 

 

Categories: Liver and Gallbladder Cleanse Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Oil Pulling

I’ll try new things, but you first. My clients are constantly introducing me to really cool, “traditional” ways of healing and cleansing, a lot of which just sounds straight up CRAY (that felt appropriate). My interest is only ever peaked when I see results in them first. So this leads me to oil pulling…

A client of mine told me about oil pulling about a year ago. It involves swishing coconut oil in your mouth for 20-30 minutes every morning before brushing your teeth or even drinking anything, then spitting it out along with all the disease causing germs in your mouth and possibly even some cavities. This sounded interesting to me in theory, but nothing I really could believe or would ever test on myself especially since this particular client had only read about it, not tried it herself.

Then recently, a new client of mine told me she’s been oil pulling for about six months to heal a chronic toothache. Her dentist was floored at how healthy her teeth and gums looked because he was expecting to give her a filling, which she ended up not needing. I was floored myself. Her teeth are bright white and her gums are a very healthy pink. Also, oil pulling is mentioned in the liver and gallbladder cleanse maintenance program, so it’s obviously knocking on my door. Right?

I started oil pulling the very next morning and have been oil pulling every single morning for about a month now. I opt for the 20 minute version of oil pulling despite Andreas Moritz’s recommendation of oil pulling for no longer than a few minutes at a time so as not to reabsorb any toxins. He suggests oil pulIing for just a few minutes at a time for up to 10-15 minutes. His method is too involved for me. The second I get up, I reach for the coconut oil and swish a tablespoon full in my mouth while I’m showering and getting ready in the morning. After 20 minutes, I spit the coconut oil into a paper towel (never the sink, it will clog the pipes), rinse my mouth with warm water, brush my teeth and scrape my tongue with a tongue scraper. Voila!

teeth oil pulling

Categories: Life Hacks, Liver and Gallbladder Cleanse Tags: , , , , , , , ,

New Year, New Liver.

2015 is going to be all about cleaning out my very very compromised liver!

I have many clients who religiously do the liver and gallbladder cleanse. At first, I just thought this was some crazy New Age crap: drinking apple juice like there’s no tomorrow for six days straight, washing that down with epsom salt water and then a cup of olive oil, followed by more epsom salt water and hundreds of pebbles flying out of your ass. In addition to all of that craziness, you need to get two colonics within a few days of each other. But I’ve witnessed some serious transformations over the years in my liver-flushing gals. I’ve seen dark under eye death circles disappear (my main motivator), severe eczema virtually vanish, and chronic flu symptoms disappear.

This, like any other New Year’s Resolution, is a serious commitment. Once one attempts a liver and gallbladder cleanse, they must continue to do them every month or two until they stop seeing pebbles in the toilet for two straight cleanses to make sure nothing gets stuck mid-expulsion, causing serious discomfort. This can take anywhere from six to twelve cleanses.

My liver cleansing journey begins next week on Wednesday, January 14, 2015. I’ll be blogging the whole way through in case you’re interested in joining my next go around in February.

 

Categories: Colonics, Liver and Gallbladder Cleanse Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Constipated to the Point of Hemorrhoids.

I can sort of imagine what erectile dysfunction feels like. Sort of. I can empathize with the pressure to perform anyway. But I’m not talking sex, I’m talking crap. A self-proclaimed Bowel Movement Coach should never be constipated, right? Unfortunately, hard shit happens. To everyone.

Last week, my trips to the bathroom were anxiety ridden and painful! Not the usual gleeful skip to my loo I am accustomed to. If I wasn’t squeezing out pebbles, I was squeezing out hemorrhoids and monster turds that literally clogged two different toilets on three different occasions. Tommy “Detox” DeVito was not a happy camper, screaming “It is not my new job to unclog your shit from my toilet!” Yes, we have that kind of familial relationship here at Release NYC, where there are four toilets and at almost any given moment, someone is taking a dump. Basically, this is the best place in the world to work.

I started fearing any urgency to poop because all of my straining was giving me a hemorrhoid that hurt! Every time I would poop, it felt like the hemorrhoid would make its grand exit fashionably late. I’ve seen plenty of hemorrhoids in my line of work, so I was not alarmed even when I noticed some light bleeding on the toilet paper. For inquiring minds, hemorrhoids can be unsightly, they can bleed, they can make it difficult to walk and even sit, but they can easily go away with a dab of witch hazel salve as long as the constipation is addressed.

For me, I wasn’t eating anything particularly constipating or out of the ordinary, so I knew it was a matter of dehydration and bacteria imbalance. I made sure to up my water intake and double up on my probiotics. Probiotics strengthen your immune system by supporting an environment of homeostasis where there is a higher ratio of good versus bad bacteria. Too much of the bad stuff forces an inflammatory response, which stresses the body’s defenses and we now know that stress causes constipation. I juiced carrot and celery in the morning when I could and kept my meals liquid-y and fibrous (soups, veggies, whole grains). So basically, I became borderline vegetarian for a week and things started moving. And this is my remedy for rock hard constipation, folks.

Categories: Digestive Issues, Probiotics Tags: , , , , , , , ,

#WorldToiletDay

Yup, it’s a thing. Last year, celebrities like Matt Damon got involved with the UN to spread awareness on the global issue of open defecation on November 19th, which was declared World Toilet Day in 2001 by the World Toilet Organization. Open defecation is common in countries like India, where lack of toilets pose a major problem. Without a private place to take care of business, the general population is forced to either go in the woods, on the sidewalk, on the beach, or basically anywhere in the natural open. This leaves many susceptible to disease resulting from a contaminated water supply and even atrocities like rape and murder. Women are the most vulnerable when left to handle their poop and menstruation business out in the open. World Toilet Day serves as a means to spread global awareness on this shitty issue.

So there have been a crapload of toilets built around the world in the last few years as a result of this global campaign to build toilets. For example, Who Gives A Crap is donating 50% of their tree-free toilet paper proceeds to  help build toilets for those in need (they’re toilet paper is the shit!). The next step is getting the targeted populations to use them! Many cultures are averse to crapping where they eat. The Hindu population in India, for instance, prefer to poop far away from the house because according to the “Laws of Manu,” this avoids ritual impurity. Many cultures also view bathrooms as dark, scary places.

It’s time to take pride in our public and private bathrooms. Ladies, let’s be ladies. Let’s keep our public bathrooms clean and encourage a safe haven for women where they can feel a sense of pride and accomplishment after relieving themselves. Collectively, our efforts will contribute to the United Nations’ Bowel Movement to get both men and women fearlessly using the loo.

Resources: The Economist 

Categories: Bathroom Etiquette, Girl Code, Travel Poo Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Strong Abs = Strong Poop

I am so excited that I found this abdominal workout video on YouTube! I have been a devotee to this particular 20 minute Winsor Pilates Ab Sculpting video since high school. I even got the football team in college into it because it’s that good! But due to recent DVD-player restraints (or lack there-of), I haven’t been able to get this abdominal workout in until my recent YouTube discovery!

Strong core muscles protect your crucial organs, specifically your bowels! Try to squeeze this workout in every other day.

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Anal Fissures

A friend recently opened up to me about her problem with anal fissures. Scientifically speaking, anal fissures can happen when a rock hard turd slices one’s asshole. The problem is that every time she’d use the bathroom after that initial tear, the scab would re-open. The act of going to the bathroom hurt so bad that it encouraged her to hold it in. She was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Her doctor advised her to take Miralax, which she became addicted to for years until someone introduced her to juicing. Fresh vegetable juice for breakfast has successfully replaced Miralax for her as a natural alternative. Both offer the same result: softer turds and regularity.

Categories: Digestive Issues Tags: , , , , , , , ,

There’s Something In The Water.

Everyone’s been figuratively and literally dropping crap in the water here in Lobitos, Peru. We are down two cameras due to faulty underwater housing and today, I may have to kiss my IPhone goodbye due to negligent toilet behavior.

As I’ve expressed in recent blog posts, we are to flush the toilet sparingly here not only in an effort to conserve water, but also because the toilet simply just does not flush more than 1fph (one flush per hour). So at times, I have been forced to poop on top of a preexisting poop, suffering from anonymous backsplash. I know. Gross!

But what’s even more disgusting, is dropping your IPhone on top of two poops from two different people. Should this happen to you, there’s no time to waste or even think. You must retrieve your phone as fast as possible. Dry that crap off, turn it off if it’s still on and dunk it in a cup of rice. Keep it there for two to three days before trying to turn it back on.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m waiting and regretting my habit of keeping my cell phone in my armpit while I multitask.

Categories: iPoo, Travel Poo Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The Aqua Dump.

I’ve been urinating in the ocean only since 2005. I remember drinking heavily at a July 4th boat party in Miami that year, and desperately needing to break the seal. Most of the boat bathrooms were either closed for use or occupied, forcing me to just pee in the water like everyone else. I vividly remember hanging on to a rope that was anchoring one of the boats down, trying to pee while my body was swaying in the water. I had to overcome the mental block of peeing with my ass submerged underwater and my entire body moving uncontrollably with the waves. I must have been there for twenty minutes before I succeeded with a tiny squirt. It was unsatisfying just like the burning, incomplete feeling of a urinary tract infection. It took another ten minutes before I was able to relieve myself enough so that I did not suffer from a completely full bladder. Over the years, I’ve perfected the ocean pee to where I can pee on demand without strain. The ocean poo (aka aqua dump), however, is another story…

Hanging out with a bunch of surfers, I knew I could rely on them for suggestions on how to pull off the perfect aqua dump, or aqua bog, as my Australians call it. Everyone’s been getting up for an early AM surf here in Lobitos, which is generally prime time. First things first, you must relax (especially if the water is cold) by reminding yourself why you have your pants down. Make sure you are nowhere near anyone and you may want to consider doggie paddling (depending on your position) throughout the process because your aqua dump is going to meet you at the surface, so you’ll want to get a running start. Some prefer to grab their ankles, bringing their legs closer to their heads, placing themselves in more of a squat position, but I only recommend this advanced position for the more experienced aqua dumpers. Once you are completely finished, pull your pants up and swim away as fast as you can.

I have yet to attempt this craft. Please let me know if you have…

 

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