The Japanese Aqua Dump
Another Japanese bathroom accessory!
A Brilliant Design (Japanese, of course).
Japan knows what’s up!!!
I have finally arrived at my hotel in Nagano, Japan after what has amounted to nearly 30 hours of travel time from NYC. This trip has been planned for about six months now and is coincidentally serving as a businessMOON as I will be opening Doody Free Girl right when I get back on March 16th. (So book your gravity colonic appointment online now!)
What started out as a snowboarding trip to Japan has quickly become an investigative research project into all things Asian, namely snacks and toilets. It all started on the airplanes. We first flew 16 hours from JFK to Hong Kong followed by a two hour layover in the Hong Kong airport lounge, a three hour flight to Tokyo and finally, a five hour bus ride to Nagano. While I always recommend that clients not eat on the plane to avoid gas and bloat, I cannot resist airplane food no matter how shitty it is. I will eat whatever is served to me especially if it is foreign and tasty and I will deal with the consequences. So one dinner, fifty snacks and three brunches later, I am feeling like a bloated whale on all counts. Even my legs are bloated despite the compression socks I wore. The only advice I have from this experience is to fart on the plane and to fart often. Everyone is sleeping anyway. Go to the bathroom and pee often because you’ll be surprised at how much gas pressure is relieved once you pee.
This brings me to the Japanese and their profound respect for the wash room. My first experience was at the rest stop on our last leg of travel in Japan. While purchasing some mystery Japanese snacks, it was unbeknownst to me that I was about to have the most luxurious bathroom experience ever, never mind at a rest stop. I walked in to the enormous restroom and there was a digital switchboard informing you which stalls were available. Each stall has generous room and a heated toilet seat complete with bidet attachment. I did not have enough time to play around with the bidet, nor did I want to because my Seattle experience left a scar, but sitting on a warm toilet seat at a cold rest stop is priceless!
In our hotel room, the entire bathroom is small and efficient, resembling that of a room on a cruise ship. The faucet for the sink doubles as the faucet for the shower. And of course, the toilet has a bidet attachment! This one is slightly different than anything I’ve ever experienced because the bowl fills with water the second you sit on the toilet seat. Although I cannot seem to find much logic in that even with regards to water efficiency, I’m sure there is sound reason behind it. The Japanese seem to be winning at life. I mean, have you seen how they fold their socks??
An Inconvenient Poop.
Last night, I dragged a friend to a one-man show about the social history of defecation and its effects on the planet and ultimately, our bodies. I know, she’s a really good friend. While I’m not a fan of corny Improv-ish humor, the show was short and sweet and quite informative.
The star of the show, Shawn Shafner, touched on the evolution of social pooping etiquette. Archaeological discoveries have caused speculation that certain primitive mountain societies shat where they ate, revealing that there was no shame in their game. The shamelessness slowly evolved into taboo social norms (thanks to the likes of Martin Luther and Queen Victoria), where one was expected to hold their shit in and just sweat it out or something.
Shafner encourages his audience to embrace its poop as not only an extension of our bodies, but as a critical seed in the circle of life (cue Lion King music). He concludes by advocating the advent of the compost toilet as a means of preventing disease and toxic chemicals from polluting our water supply. The proof of this pollution apparently lies in hermaphrodite frogs that have been overly estrogenized and dead shrimp that have overdosed on Viagra.
However, I’m not sure I’ll be shitting in a bucket anytime soon. I personally believe the issue lies more in our over-consumption of chemicals because using a compost toilet implies that residual estrogen and Viagra will be composted back into my life in some shape or form other than the water supply. I’m still not convinced of this as a solution except for countries where there is simply no water supply.
So here’s some food for thought: how about we just stop eating shit?!!
Ringworm is Dead!
So it turns out I just had an eczema rash on my arm coincidentally where my ringworm was years ago. I had started using Athlete’s Foot cream on my rash because Athlete’s Foot, Ringworm and Groin Itch are all the same shit.
Eczema is undoubtedly an internal issue and while the rash was brought on by my first liver cleanse, it gradually disappeared after my second liver cleanse. The Athlete’s Foot cream helped initially, but the rash became so dry and scaly, that it started itching again. And eventually, the red bumps worsened. The Urgent Care I visited two years ago gave me an anti-bacterial ointment for the ringworm that alleviated the itch while preventing any dryness. After a little brainstorming on what natural remedies I could use that have anti-bacterial properties along with a gel-like texture, I suddenly remembered the miracle of Manuka Honey!!
Manuka Honey is the honey you constantly overlook in the health food market because it’s ridiculously expensive. But there’s a good reason for that! Manuka Honey comes from the same tree in New Zealand as Tea Tree oil, which is widely used as an anti-fungal treatment for people and pets alike. Tea tree oil is very potent, which can be detected by its medicinal odor. I was applying tea tree oil to my rash when it first appeared, but it only further irritated it, even after diluting the tea tree oil in some coconut oil. So I spread a thin layer of Manuka Honey over the rash, covered it with a paper towel so that it did not stick to my clothing and secured it with a few hair ties. I left it on overnight for about five days and the rash just disappeared. Even all of the little scabs that developed over the rash fell right off!
So here’s what you need to know when buying Manuka Honey for medicinal purposes. You want to make sure the UMF (Unique Manuka Factor), which is also labeled as “Active” is a minimum of 10. The higher the better because the higher the UMF concentration, the higher the antibiotic effect. I love the brand Wedderspoon because they actually sell individual packets of Manuka Honey Active 16+. The individual packets easily crack open (sans mess) and you can just eat them on the train when you feel like you’re getting sick! I used the packets to quickly spread the honey on my arm without using any utensils. There are many more uses for Manuka Honey, so make sure to keep it in your medicine cabinet!
Second Liver Cleanse Complete!
Malic acid made all the difference this time around! If you’ve been following, you know that you have a choice the first six days of the liver cleanse to opt for a liter of apple juice per day or a liter of water with a teaspoon of malic acid mixed in. Last month, the apple juice made the week much more memorable than this month’s cleanse. I was so miserably gaseous last month from the apple cider sugar overload that I needed an additional colonic apart from the cleanse’s mandatory colonics. So moving forward I am only going to be ingesting the malic acid mixture. It made the cleanse feel almost nonexistent. Well that and not adhering to the dietary restrictions (no meat, dairy or fried foods) made it easier for me! I had just finished menstruating when I started the cleanse prep, so I felt like I needed some iron and ate meat for a few days. I also drank wine, which I have no excuse for.
Last month, a client gave me some advice on how to half-ass a cleanse and his advice was ringing in my head this month, justifying my choices. He told me that on his fifth or sixth cleanse, he ate like total shit and actually ended up having one of his most successful cleanses (as in releasing the most stones)! Making the cleanse prep DO-able for you is important so that you are encouraged to keep going the following month. So while I’m not condoning the eating of crap, I think the most important thing is to be restrictive on the sixth and seventh day, following Moritz’s directions to the letter. Drink the malic acid mixture in the morning and eat a plain lunch of white rice and steamed vegetables seasoned with nothing other than sea salt. Eat nothing for the rest of the day. At 6pm and again at 8pm, drink 3/4 cup of epsom salt water. At 10pm, drink a mixture of 1/2 cup olive oil and 2/3 cup of freshly squeezed, strained grapefruit juice. Immediately lay flat and try to go to sleep. The next morning, you have to drink that nasty epsom salt water again at 6am and then at 8am, remaining upright. You will start to crap the stones out somewhere in between or after the second epsom salt dosage. At 10am, you can drink freshly squeezed orange or grapefruit juice. One half hour later, you can have a piece of fruit and then an hour later, a normal light lunch.
I didn’t get any cool green stones this time, so I have no pictures to show off, but I think maybe my dark eye circles are getting lighter??
Malic Acid Rules!
I started my second liver cleanse two days ago, only this time substituting the malic acid mixture (1 tsp of malic acid in 32 ounces of water) in place of the 32 ounces of apple cider. It is such a better experience this time around! The malic acid mixture basically tastes like unsweetened Vitamin Water. It’s a little tart, but not unpleasant, no gag reflexes and no putrid gas… so far.
Gil Jacobs
Doody Free Girl exists thanks to the Original G: The Godfather of colonics, Gil Jacobs. If you’ve never heard of this man, it’s probably because you’re not down with getting a super aggressive colonic in a cramped bathroom in the East Village from a self-proclaimed unprofessional. But Gil has been dubbed the Godfather of Colonics in the health world not just because he’s a 58 year old Italian Guinea from Staten Island, but because he pioneered and revolutionized how NYC gives colonics through his “bottoms-up” approach to health. It has become a badge of honor for a colon therapist to have been trained by Gil Jacobs. We all brag about it, so always make sure your chosen colon therapist has this advanced “certification.”
Gil was my first and only paid colon therapist from 2007 until I was formally trained by the Wood Hygienic Institute in 2009. His charisma and encouragement is the reason I lead such an alternative lifestyle today. We would spend the entire hour of my colonic talking about health, food, family, and celebrity gossip (in terms of whose gas has traveled up to their face i.e. those whose faces have blown up i.e. John Travolta). Gil is well versed in all aforementioned subjects and he likes to throw in pop quizzes from time to time.
I decided to pay Gil a visit this weekend because I haven’t seen him in years and I was long overdue for a deep cleaning. On Friday, my veteran liver cleanse client assured me that my “ringworm rash” is definitely a detox symptom and I should embrace it for it serves as proof that my liver cleanse efforts were not in vain. She even told me that while she never got a rash, she did experience relentless itchiness all over her body when she started the liver cleanses. Gil believes the rash is a result of the antibiotics I took to heal the ringworm resurfacing. In fact, the first thing he asked me was if I took antibiotics to heal the ringworm back then. It actually makes perfect sense since the rash is exactly where my ringworm scar is and was torturing me with the same sensations as the ringworm, yet it did not form a ring. Andreas Moritz attributes all antibiotics, especially those that are used to treat skin infections, to gallstones. He concludes,
Symptomatic treatment always has a hefty price tag attached to it, that is, an impairment of basic liver functions. It is far easier and more beneficial for the body to remove all gallstones, restore normal blood values, and improve digestion and waste removal than to suppress the symptoms of a disease. Symptoms are not the disease; they only indicate that the body is attempting to save and protect itself. They signal the body’s need for attention, support, and care. Treating disease as if it were an enemy, when in reality it is a survival attempt, actually sabotages the body’s healing abilities and sows the seeds for further illness.
Resources: The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse by Andreas Moritz, Gil Jacobs
Sleepover Kit.
Oil pulling really came in handy this morning! I spontaneously slept over my brother’s place last night, unprepared with no sleepover kit, which usually just means a toothbrush and my makeup bag. I really hate going to sleep without flossing, brushing my teeth, scraping my tongue and taking my eye makeup off with coconut oil (in that order). I had to skip my bedtime ritual last night, but upon waking this morning, I immediately searched his kitchen for oil. My brother is not the type to have coconut oil and goji berries lying around in his cupboard, so I stopped my search once I found his olive oil! I think it’s safe to assume most households have some sort of cooking oil in the kitchen cabinet, so if you ever find yourself in a pinch for a toothbrush, just ask your host for some olive oil, sesame oil, etc.
If you don’t feel like explaining yourself as to why you will be mute for twenty minutes, just oil pull for five minutes. It isn’t necessary to brush your teeth after oil pulling, but make sure you rinse your mouth with warm water. Then scrape your tongue with a spoon. Voila!