Just Add Vinegar.

Growing up, my mother cleaned the entire house every single weekend. I would wake up to the sound of the annoying vacuum cleaner and the pungent smell of vinegar, Clorox bleach and/or Windex. What I would give now to wake up to someone magically cleaning up after me on autopilot week in, week out! Instead, this would start my weekend in a sour mood because I couldn’t hear the TV or Rage Against the Machine (AKA the Good Mother) and the house ironically smelled like shit to me.

I’ve always thought that vinegar smelled like complete ass. I would experience overwhelming disgust when my mother would gleefully diffuse the house with vinegar through the coffee machine. It only took me 35 years to appreciate the cleaning power of this amazingly edible detergent. I just finished cleaning the entire Doody Free Girl studio with distilled white vinegar and am overcome with the same cleaning joy that plagues my mother each week, even though my skin smells like it’s been fermenting in pickle brine. None of that matters when my floors look brighter than ever! White distilled vinegar has  a PH of 2.4, allowing it to easily dissolve all of your nasties. Before using it to clean your entire life, make sure to research thoroughly the surface you plan to use it on because apparently, it is so strong it can actually dissolve granite surfaces. It also makes a great fabric softener (use just 1/4 cup), but I’ve also heard that this can dissolve the hoses and rubber seals of the machine, so please use some discretion.

Using white distilled vinegar is a superior alternative to all of the chemical-laden products on the market and even those marketed as “natural.” Nothing is more natural and non-toxic for your house and your innards than distilled white vinegar. The chemicals found in your average household cleaner can actually affect your endocrine system when inhaled and the amount of anti-bacterial properties can have a devastating antibiotic effect on your home’s probiotics. Just like our bodies, the less good bacteria -or probiotics- that reside in our home, the less immune we are to disease and “superbugs.” 

While I love distilled white vinegar for cleaning, for regular ingestion, I highly recommend using raw Apple Cider Vinegar. For those who’ve been following me for a while, you know how much I love ACV. Apple cider vinegar is the ultimate home remedy for just about anything, the most important being acid reflux and gas. Many times, acid reflux is actually a result of an underproduction (not overproduction as commonly assumed) of stomach acid that is pushed upward due to the gas in the intestinal tract. Drinking a teaspoon of raw ACV diluted in a cup of water at least fifteen minutes before a meal aids tremendously in digestion. It is also a great tonic to have first thing in the morning to round out your body’s overnight cleansing fast.

 

 

Jaundice?

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I began liver cleansing almost two years ago to get rid of some wrinkles, dark under eye circles and severe menstrual cramps. I’ve seen improvement in all areas. However, I was also hoping the whites of my eyes would clear up. I had started noticing some yellowing around the inner corners that was bothering the shit out of me. Yellowing of the skin and eyes is associated with jaundice, a condition where bile buildup in the blood resulting from a clogged liver actually stains the skin and eyes. I didn’t understand why my liver still seemed fucked after all this cleansing.

Fate would have it that a visit to the eye doctor of all doctors solved this mystery for me. I went for a routine check up and the Doc basically clarified that I’m a dirtbag. Dirty contacts were the culprit causing a build up of dirt in my eyes, staining my eyes yellow. I wasn’t really following, but he said something to this effect: dirty contacts were forcing my eyes to create a buildup of white blood cells as an inflammatory response to the foreign substance, and that layer of cells (just like skin) gets suntanned.  Left unaddressed, it could get so bad that it turn black over time especially because these cells are raised higher than the rest of my eyeball cells and thus, more exposed to the sun (like your nose). He said I just need to diligently change my contacts every two weeks and wear my glasses at least once a week and this should all clear up in about a year and half.

My eyes are already looking clearer after a few months of being a little less of a dirtbag. In any case, I plan on doing another liver cleanse in early November. Who’s with me??

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Liver Cleansing Again!

I just wrapped up yet another liver cleanse, but this time I actually gave it my full effort and did not drink any wine for the entire week. In fact, I still haven’t had any wine (that’s subject to change any day now). The cleanse was actually much more tolerable when following the rules – go figure. I felt fantastic afterward and the dark circles under my eyes have even lightened up!

Two different clients of mine gave me the same tip on how to “not drink” at the bar: order soda water with bitters and lime. Wikipedia defines bitters as “an alcoholic preparation flavored with botanical matter such that the end result is characterized by a bitter, sour, or bittersweet flavor. Numerous longstanding brands of bitters were originally developed as patent medicines, but are now sold as digestifs and cocktail flavorings.” So there’s still some trace alcohol in my beverage but it’s characterized as both medicinal and a digestif, which is clearly an added bonus. 

 

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For those who haven’t been following, the liver cleanse is a completely doable cleanse that only lasts a week and clears nasty gallstones out of your liver on the last day. The week calls for being vegan (no meat or dairy), no alcohol, no caffeine, no fried foods and no sugar. During the first five days, you are to sip on a solution of 1 teaspoon of malic acid powder mixed with 32 oz of water throughout the day. On the sixth day, you must drink the solution by morning and have a lunch of plain white rice and steamed vegetables by 1:30pm. Then you must fast until the following day, which isn’t so bad because you have a lot of assignments to complete before then. You must get a colonic that afternoon. Then at 6pm and again at 8pm, you must drink 3/4 cup epsom salt solution. At 10pm, you must drink a solution of 2/3 cup fresh grapefruit juice and 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil (preferably of the California variety). Then make sure to lay flat for the rest of the evening. You can get up to take a shit if need by after the first 20 minutes of laying completely flat and still. In the morning, you have to repeat the epsom salt torture at 6am and again at 8am, keeping your torso upright the entire morning (you can fall back asleep sitting up). Make sure to clear this morning because you will be shitting your stones out! At 1030am, you can drink fresh juice. I like to squeeze the juice from the rest of the grapefruits I got the night before. You can eat some fruit an hour later and then start eating normal food about an hour after that. 

Is it time to clear out your liver? You can do it!! Book here.