Dry Brush The Bloat Away!

Our skin is full of shit and I encourage you to dry brush everyday because it takes less than five minutes to make your skin feel so fresh and so clean, you may not even need to shower! Showers are boring anyway. Dry brushing improves not just the quality of your skin (even known to reduce cellulite!), but the quality of your body’s drainage.

Ever since reading The Raw Food Detox Diet by Natalia Rose, my original inspiration for everything detox, I have dry brushed everyday before getting in the shower (I do shower sometimes, but prefer the shower bidet). Dry brushing stimulates the lymphatic system, which is responsible for removing cellular waste and debris from body tissues. Lymph nodes are spread throughout the body with heavy concentration around the neck, armpits and groin area and serve as sites for immunity cells, which assist our immune system in filtering out cancer cells and foreign substances. The lymphatic system needs a lot of encouragement to assist in these processes because it does not have its own heartbeat pumping these fluids out. Dry brushing is the easiest activity to incorporate into your daily life to help drain your lymph. Dry brushing has even been associated with alleviating bloat because it encourages the lymphatic system to drain excess water and toxins, improving digestion.

Lymphatic drainage is so powerful that it is employed at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. One of my favorite clients owns a popular massage spot, Knead, in Downtown Jersey City. Her knowledge of the body is impressive and she was trained/certified at Memorial Sloan Kettering in lymphatic drainage massage. I believe she is the only one with such credentials in the entire state of NJ! I always assumed that every kind of massage assists in lymph drainage, but I stand corrected. Deep tissue massage actually has the opposite effect on lymph. While it helps break up crystallized lactic acid in the muscles and soften scar tissue, it cuts off lymph drainage. Lymph drainage massage is more like gentle tickling. Sign me up!

So while it may seem like dry brushing ain’t doing shit, trust that it is actually assisting one of your immune system’s most important functions. Brush your entire body, with special concentration around your pits, neck, stomach and groin area. Make sure to brush in the direction of your heart, which is best for circulation. You can find my favorite Yerba Prima Tampico dry brush at any health food store.

I Don’t Have Time For Weak Ass Shit!

Last week I felt like utter shit. My sinuses were congested in an allergy-kind-of-way and I was chronically tired. It was no mystery to me. I know I’ve been eating a whole bunch of crap (lots of soy, wheat, fried foods and too much wine). You see… if you eat like shit, you feel like shit. And if you don’t take big shits, you feel even shittier (Damn, I just realized I’m a sage).

One of my New Years Resolutions was to stop eating meat and that just segued into eventually becoming vegan again with the exception of some honey and wearing my old leather. In a past life, I was a raw vegan for about two years, which propelled me into the alternative health world and then into insanity. After becoming completely orthorexic (unhealthily obsessed with clean eating), I finally admitted I had a problem and needed to chill the fuck out. So I transitioned back to eating cooked vegan foods, then pescatarianism, then vegetarianism, then straight up carnivorism and finally constipationism. So I threw this journey in reverse and have arrived back at veganism (not raw veganism) because videos like this really strike a chord with me and keep me from being a “weak ass motherfucker”:

 

 

But eating too many nasty tofucken-like dishes has been slowing me down and proving to be just as constipating as its meat counterparts. Plus who knows what’s in that shit?

For those following, you know I wanted to do another one of Andreas Moritz’s Liver & Gallbladder Cleanse early November. I started my Liver Cleanse on Monday and just completed it today. For the first time, I released no stones in the toilet unlike past cleanses. I guess this disproves the theory that the stones released on the seventh day are, in fact, gallstones and not coagulated olive oil. I’m feeling like a better version of myself, thanks be to God.

So my takeaway from both my alternative health journey that started about ten years ago and my entire liver cleansing journey that started just two years ago as my New Years Resolution in 2015 is that no diet will make anyone perfect. Finding a lifestyle that incorporates a mostly plant-based diet that is kind to your liver will benefit you, your digestive tract, your karma and the environment. And having this knowledge is empowering for those times you just feel like fucking shit.

You can find instructions for the Liver Cleanse here and follow my journey under the Liver and Gallbladder Cleanse category on the left side of the screen. And you can book your Liver Cleanse here.

Ain’t Got Shit To Do Tonight?

Come meet me tonight at CAP Beauty in the West Village at 7pm! I’ll be there to answer all of your burning questions about colonics and show you all of my favorite natural beauty products / makeup in the store.  You can read CAP Beauty’s blog post on me here. 

 

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CAP Beauty is located at 238 W 10th Street, NYC.

 

Hope to see you there! xoxo jen

Kimberly Snyder is a Radical Beauty

For those receiving my newsletters, you know how much I admire and respect my friend, Kimberly Snyder and her vegan health philosophy. If you already follow her books or want to learn more about her, please come to the book signing event for her new book, Radical Beauty. I’ll be there 🙂

 

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Protein Makes You Constipated

Somewhere along the line, a cultural obsession with protein developed along with the desire to look like this:

 

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Because that’s normal…

I know what bodybuilders go through to look like this and it involves a lot of dead chickens, food obsessing, no life outside the gym, fat burning pills, zero shits (but infinite fucks) and intentional dehydration. I don’t understand why this sounds appealing only to end up looking like The Hulk and forever shop in Plus Size (or not….)

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Aside from thinking bodybuilding is some weird shit, I want to drive home the point that we are a protein-obsessed culture. Friends and clients alike ask me all the time how I get my protein since I don’t eat meat or fish. Vegans will always pose the argument that we get substantial, if not excess protein from plant food because a lot of our leafy greens contain the amino acids necessary to build complete proteins in our bodies. One cup of spinach has 7 grams of protein! I mean, have you seen the guns on Popeye!

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Meat on the other hand, is a complete protein, which requires our bodies to break down the amino acids before assimilating it. Additionally, some of the proteins are destroyed from cooking. Heavy meat eating can also result in heart and kidney issues, so the healthiest way to get your protein is from your veggies.

So for all my protein-obsessed vegans, there are ways to get beefy without eating beef. My friend and idol, Mike Perrine (@EveryDayDetox), offers up his perfected protein shake recipe. Mike is the biggest fucking vegan hipster, foodie, health-nut kinda dude and yes ladies, he’ll make you some pickles (Tinder profile photo below. Popeye resemblance?).

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Follow his Snapchat to learn some invaluable shit, including how to make smoothies the right way and where to find vintage graffiti in NYC. After weeks of begging, he finally produced this recipe chock full of protein derived from hemp seeds. Hemp seeds pack a whopping 5 grams of protein per tablespoon along with 6 times more omega-3s than tuna, plus they’re rich in fiber and trace minerals. It’s pretty much a perfect food.

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THE PERRINE GREEN HEMP BROTEIN SMOOTHIE – makes 24 oz.

3 T hemp protein
2 T Vitamineral Green
3 Medjool Dates
3 Dried Turkish Figs
Pinch of Celtic Sea Salt
3 C Fresh Almond Walnut Milk (wtf Mike! Who has time for this shit?!)
15 (16 is poisonous) Raw Cacao beans (optional)

  1. Check your dried fruits for bugs and pits.
  2. If you have the time, soak your dates and figs in the nut milk for twenty minutes to one hour.
  3. In a Vitamix blend the first six ingredients until smooth.
  4. Add the cacao beans and pulse for 5 seconds to create the chocolate chip effect.

 

 

The Infrared Sauna

Yesterday, CBS News aired a segment on the benefits of infrared saunas starring yours truly. Watch me sweat and verbally express that I’m sweating. It’s quite riveting!

But seriously, infrared saunas majorly improve the texture of your skin. It is something I recommend for those doing my Skin Cleanse. Infrared saunas are different from ordinary saunas because they use infrared light (experienced as heat), which is the invisible part of the sun’s spectrum that has the ability to penetrate the human tissue and offer health benefits. It raises your core temperature (versus the ordinary sauna, which just heats the air), extracting toxins on a cellular level while speeding up metabolism and circulation. It has been clinically proven to lower blood pressure and shrink waistlines. In addition to giving my skin a healthy flush, I swear it smooths out cellulite too!

I am fortunate to work at DTX Cellular Evolution (54th Street between 3rd and 2nd Ave) in Manhattan on Tuesdays, where they have two beautiful infrared sauna rooms complete with showers for all of your sweaty needs. I make it a point to get my ass in the sauna every Tuesday for at least 20 minutes, depending on my mood. I’ve stayed in for as long as an hour, but usually after 20-30 minutes I already feel as if I’d spent the day at the beach!

Happy sweating!

Ain’t Got Shit To Do Today?

Today is Modern Sage’s Annual Health Fair. Grab your yoga mat and join me for free meditation and yoga on the streets beginning at noon today! I’ll be there until 4pm educating this town on the power of the poo. I’d love to see some old and new faces so bring your friends and family! We’ll be posted up right across the street from my favorite tea shop, Tea NJ, so grab some tea and get your ass to the Health Fair!

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Power of the Poo PODCAST

I’m very excited to be featured on Kimberly Snyder’s top-rated Beauty Inside Out iTunes podcast! Kimberly Snyder is not only a celebrity nutritionist living and breathing a compassionate, plant-based diet empowering each of her followers to achieve their highest self both physically and spiritually, but she is also responsible for putting gravity colonics on the global map.

When I was first turned onto gravity colonics, it felt like a secretive practice only for those “in the know.” I was even embarrassed to tell my parents I was partaking in this weirdness. My mission in establishing Doody Free Girl has always been to eliminate the shame game. Shaming is lame. Everyone deserves to poop in peace.

So please check out the POO-CAST and don’t keep me a secret by sharing this with all your friends and enemies. CLICK HERE AND ENJOY!

 

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