I remember the first time I talked about poop with a girlfriend better than I remember the first time I had sex (unfortunately, I think girls invest more anxiety into the former rather than the latter). This grade school friend of mine was in the bathroom with me and made fun of me for looking at the toilet paper to make sure it was clear after wiping my rear. In retrospect, she’s the freaking weirdo that just trusts her “feel”. She claimed she would just wipe until it felt raw. Sometimes I am most certain that the paper I just wiped my rear with will come back clean only to be deceived by my “feel” of the circumstances, and thus relieved I didn’t pull my underwear back up. But don’t worry, that girl and I stopped being friends as I obviously can no longer trust her judgement.

Luckily, I have a brother. We’d talk about length, girth, clog worthiness and how much weight we think we’d lost after a “nice juicy dump.” I think it’s important to have a family member to talk to about this when growing up. It’s clearly a major part of physical, mental and social development.

A client yesterday told me she has a crazy awesome aunt in California whose plumbing went out one night, so she was forced to poop in a bucket. Her aunt called her to laugh about the situation in which she was forced to go outside to throw out her own poop only to get stuck talking to the neighbors, poop in hand.  Keep in mind, she has no dog. But what she was really excited to tell her niece about was how surprised she was at the weight of her dump. It was REALLY heavy!! Cool, right?!! Now that’s an Auntie I can trust.